I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
