a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
