I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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