I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
