i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
