my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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