I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
