Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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