So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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