dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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