They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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