I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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