I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
