You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
