this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
