so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
