Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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