im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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