I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
