I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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