it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
