I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
