i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
