You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
