i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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