Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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