I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
