At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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