Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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