I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
