it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
