Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize