We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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