I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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