I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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