oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
