About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
