I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
