Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
