They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He shit in the fireplace
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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