That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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