Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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