i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
