well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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