i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
