I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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