dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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