i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
