WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this boner is exhausting
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
