can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
