Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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