I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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