If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
