I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
