I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
