i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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